Journal #14

Once, when I was a measly little Junior at Pleasant Plains High School, I was assigned a worksheet by the name of "sentence study."  The Dread Pirate Langley had assigned it.  You would think the 'Dread Pirate' part of that class would be what would scare me.  Nope.  Something much, much, much worse.  GRAMMAR.  You heard me.  That stuff we learned back in elementary school and middle school?  Yeah, terrifies me.  So I was assigned this worksheet, right?  It had a front and a back and only two questions on it.  Once The Dead Pirate had handed it to me, my hands began to shake from simply having physical contact with such horror.  The words all blurred together and I began to feel dizzy.  Next thing I knew I was passed out on the floor from the shear horror of the whole situation.  I began to dream of weird and unfathomable things...things that had never even occurred to me to be possible!  The paper I had been holding began to have new words appear!  Words like 'noun', 'adjective', 'adverb clause', and 'prepositional phrase'.  The thing with these words, though, was that they didn't stay stationary on the page like most words that I'd ever encountered had, they jumped out at me as if they were alive!  As if they had minds of their own!  Now, at this point in my life, I couldn't help but believe this would be the up-most scariest thing I would ever experience.  Parts of speech that were able to hurdle off the page right at you?  Not okay.  After a few minutes of these mysterious hurdling-words jumping out at me and causing me to pee my pants a few times, I woke up from this terrifying dream.  I let a sigh of relief go as I realized I was finally safe and away from the strange word-creatures.  I was still in The Dread Pirate's classroom, but it appeared class had gone on while I'd passed out on the floor.  It seemed that they were going over some sentence studies on The Dread Pirates high-tech smart board.  There was one sentence on the board that already had so many colors under lining, circling,  and parentheses-ing it I could barely take it.  Then before I could even get my notebook out, these colors began to come together and slowly but surely merged off of the smart board and began to form a gargantuan grammar-yelling blob.  My only though, "I WANT THE HURDLING-WORDS."