#38

My Job Shadowing was AWESOME.  I shadowed the Youth Leader at my church, West Side Christian Church, who is AWESOME.  What I really want to do with my life:  I want to work for Christ in Youth, CIY.  This is an organization that puts on multiple Church camps that are geared for middle-high school students.  CIY Move is one of their summer camps that is a week long and is THE BEST WEEK OF MY LIFE every single summer.  It is where kids get on fire for God, where teenagers get that week of clarity that can, if they choose, ultimately change their life for the better.  I want to give kids that clarity, set them on fire for God, and keep them that way.  The CIY head quarters are located in Joplin, Missouri.  That is also where Ozark Bible College is, which is were I plan to attend.  Sadly, I was not able to make the trip 7 hours south just for a job shadow, no matter how badly I wanted to.  A youth leader is huuuuge part of CIY, though.  So it was pretty close!  Through out my day, I got to see an inside look at how a church works, and more specifically, my church.  I met pretty much all the staff and got to see how intricate and meticulous a church service can really be.  I also got to see how Fusion, the Youth group at my church, works too.  It is craaaaaaazy how intricate it is! I never imagined that much thought could possibly goes into what I see every Wednesday on the stage.  I also got to discuss with my Youth Leader, Josh, about upcoming events and past events to give my input.  I also got to go home with him and eat lunch with his family, which include a four year old and a one year old.  They may or may not be my favorite kids in the whole world.  SO CUTE.  I also know where he lives now, too...I think being a Youth Leader would be an awesome job, and an awesome job for me too.  But I want to be more than that.  I want to be there when kids really see that God is the only way.  That this is what living a like for Christ is like.  I want to help plan the events that kids get to experience and never ever forget.  I want to help be the force that shows kids what a life of Christ is and I want to be part of the force that keeps kids living a life for Christ.  So in summary, my day was awesome, I loved it.  I do not want to be a youth leader, but I went into the day knowing that.  

Journal #37

What do I see while listening to Blue Monk?  Initially I visualize a bald monk in blue robes playing the saxophone.  The saxophone is shiny and the monk is getting into it.  He is wearing ray bans that are black and you cannot see his eyes.  I'm sure they would be absolutely crazed if we could, though.  I also see one of the Blue Monks friends playing the drums.  Although he is the Green Monk.  He is wearing green monk robes but has a full head of hair because he is a rebel.  He has light sabers for drumsticks and is playing an all white drum set.  They are friends, but not too good of friends.  They like to hang out with all of the other monks together, but usually they don't hang out just the two of them, UNLESS they are playing music together like right now.  Otherwise it would just be weird.  They are now in a park.  It's a day much like today.  About 60 degrees with lots of sunshine and perfect weather for a hoody and shorts.  Although they are in robes, so it's a tad hot, but they don't care because it's just them and the music right now.  Both musicians have shed their sunglasses now and we can finally see their eyes, which is the window to the soul.  We can see that both want to break free from the monk life.  They are not meant to be monks, but jazz musicians.  They are yearning on the inside to break their vows and take up what they truly love.  They made vows, though, and breaking them would be simply unbearable no matter how much they want to. Right now, they aren't thinking about that, though; At least not consciously, maybe subconsciously.  They're just playing the music.  They are one with the music. Now enters a bass!  This monk is very plump.  He does not wear sunglasses, but rather uses his eyes as a tool, using them to convey his feelings while he plays, too.  All three monks are playing as one, now.  I can see them in the park, the drummer sitting down, the saxophone standing and rocking out, the bass just chiliin and being all cool, and a pianist sitting to the side embracing the moment.

Journal #36

Why is important to be yourself?  There are many many reasons for this. I recently saw a funny picture somewhere of a little girl in a pink tutu, rocker boots, and she was standing in a stance that radiated attitude.  Next to her it said "What is more BA than being yourself?"  I don't agree with the language, but I do agree with the sentiment.  If no one was themselves and we all wanted to be and do the exact same thing, what fun would that be?  For example, I have a friend from a different school and she struggles with maintaining her own opinion.  She is one of better friends.  She wants people to like her so bad that she will always, with out a doubt agree with whatever anyone else says.  If even for one instance she says something that someone doesn't agree with, she will immediately change her opinion as to be just like everyone else and so everyone likes her.  If everyone had the same opinions like this, what would society be?  The exact same thing everyday, for eternity.  That's what.  This reminds me of the book 1984.  In this book everyone is forced to do just as the government wants no questions asked.  You must think like this, talk like this, etc.  I think they even had a way of reading your mind too.  Imagine if our society was like this book and no one was themselves.  No one broke out of the box and tried to just be themselves...that would not be fun.  It is very important to be yourself because no one is just like you.  No one is an exact clone of you, so why let that go to waste?  Why be like someone else when you can just be you?  
“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”
― Dr. Seuss

"Dr. Seuss." Goodreads. Goodreads, 2005. Web. 05 Mar. 2013.

Orwell, George. 1984: A Novel. New York, NY: Published by Signet Classic, 1977. Print.

Journal #35

This blog is to be about how I have evolved over the school year as a scholarly writer.  The two blogs that we are comparing is our blog on Propaganda and Faulty Logic from back in September and our most recent blog about Whitman's use of Self in his poetry.  I have skimmed over both and honestly I have noticed little change...What is still consistent:  I still, no matter what I am doing or what class, write sooooooo much.  No matter what I am doing I always end up turning in waaaaay more than what is expected.  This can be a good and bad thing.  In both blogs, I am a humorous writer.  "Another type is called glittering generalities.  Yes.  It is actually called 'glittering generalities'.  Sad, I know."  This is from my older blog.  "What is Self, Capitol "S?"  The dictionary describes self as "a person or thing referred to with respect to complete individuality: one's own self" (Dictionary).  What does complete individuality have anything to do with some poet of the street who may or may not have been pretty scandalous for his time?  Absolutely everything!"  This is from my more recent blog about Whitman.  Honestly, I think I might have begun to use even more humor through out my criticism's as times gone on.  One big difference I do notice between the two that can be counted as an improvement:  what person I am talking in.  I finally stopped using first person in my posts.  Well at least I'm trying...It's quite hard I've realized.  My citations and back up has also improved dramatically.  In past years I've been able to get by with maybe throwing in a URL and ignoring parenthetical citations, but this year it's a must.  I've evolved into being able to use the criticisms much better and incorporate them in a scholarly and, to be frank, useful way.  I don't just use them because it's a requirement.  The actual core of my writing is still very much the same, but I have gained my useful techniques and characteristics, as well.

Journal #34 take two

So I already did this blog, or so I thought.  Turns out there is a difference between yourself, and your Self.  Did not catch that one.  Whitman describes self as three different things.  Soul, peoples perception of you, and your perception of you. My soul: I like to think I have a pretty cool soul.  Personally I like to think of it as some spirit-y thing, nestled inside of my heart somewhere, wearing a fedora and ray-bans playing the saxophone with some serious soul.  My soul would definitely be cranking out some Jesus tunes. My perception of myself:  pretty much my original blog.  My faith is the most important thing in my life.  I am completely centered around my life as a christian, or at least I do all I can to be.  I am honest, I love learning new things, I love helping people, I love deep conversations, etc.  Overall I am a pretty likable person who loves Jesus a bunch and can't wait to get out in the world and begin spreading his love.  Others perceptions of me: From what people have told me, they see me as the weird christian girl who is really really energetic and gives super good advice and is always willing to give advice.  The other day I was talking about church to someone in the hall way and Emily Taylor was in front of us and turned around and said "I knew it was you!"  That is so awesome.  I love that.  That's the positive perception people have of me.  Most people these days don't really like to be up front therefore if someone has a negative perception of me, I'm not aware of it.  I absolutely love being given constructive criticism, but once again people are always scared that you'll get mad or stop being friends with them or whatever.  I find this stupid because if you are legitimate friends you should always be able to come to each other with problems and be able to work through them.  All three of these categories equal my 'self'.   

Journal #34

Describe myself.  I love Jesus a whole lot. Church is my life.  I am the youngest of four kids.  I have three older brothers and I would never change that.  Most other girls irk me deeply, too much drama.  They always seem to have a vary narrowed, self centered, and materialistic view on things.  I can get along with girls, but I don't think I would do well with living with one. I also have a twin who is my best friend in the entire world. I know I can tell him everything and he can always offer up a mature and respectful view on anything, which I love and need in my life.  We don't look anything alike, and I'm not the only one who thinks so.  I am 5'8 with green/ hazel eyes.  My hair is a very weird color.  Sometimes it looks blonde, sometimes it's brunette, other times it can be strawberry-ish.  It's whatever your preference is I suppose.  My friends like to debate on it's color.  I have a lot of friends.  I love all my friends all for different reasons.  I strive to love everyone around me, despite the fact it's very hard sometimes.  I'm a very honest person.  If I see something I don't like or see something I can fix, or prohibit something, I will take action and I will be blatantly honest with you.  Some of my newer friends this year have found that out and it took a while for them to adjust, but honest is always the policy.  You can never go wrong with being honest with a person, the only rule is respect.  You can ALWAYS be respectful to someone. If you disagree with something or someone, you can always put it out there and come to them with it respectfully.  If they don't react with the same cutesy, then okay.  You did what you could do.  I like wearing comfy clothes more than dressing up usually, but I love dressing up, too.  My friends always tease me because through the week at school I usually look pretty average and don't try too hard but every Sunday I go all out.  People who come to my church for the first time and only ever see me through the week sometimes don't recognize me...I love Jesus, I'm tall, my brothers are my best friends, I'm honest, I love english and writing, I want to serve Jesus and I want to serve him now.  I'm very tired of petty high school.  I love etymology, noodles are my favorite. I love having deep heart to hearts. I'm a beast at giving advice, or so I'm told.  My friend Jake got his braces off today.  I have nothing else to do right now so I'm going to keep typing.  YAY LONG BLOG. I have very straight hair and girls are always jealous of that. I'm very good at doing hair.  I'm very good at taking control and being a leader, I recently started FCA in my school with that.  I'm super bad at letting someone else take the reins, though.  I see how I want things to happen and I try to always do everything possible to make that happen. I always have my camelbak with me, water is very important to me.  I love volleyball and running.  I love reading, especially cheesy romances.  My dream is to work for Christ in Youth, a youth organization that puts on retreats through out the year for kids junior-high school.  I want to change kids and help them get on their walk with God and more importantly stay there.  I guess I'll study spanish, now. Stay awesome, my friends.  

Journal #33

This journal is quite ironic because I am becoming increasingly more and more stressed as today goes on.  It started in Advanced Algebra II when we began to do something that I did not understand whatsoever.  I hate not understanding things.  If it's my friends, my parents, my car, school, the bible, etc.  It's like a psychological need of mine to understand things.  Therefore when I don't I throw mini tantrums and cry.  Extremely mature, I know.  So once I got through Algebra and had NO IDEA what I was doing or more importantly what I was suppose to be doing afterwards for homework.  This frustrates me deeply.  This also intensifys my desire to get out of high school and start serving other people and showing people Jesus.  Generally I sit in class all day long and just think to myself I could be doing so much more than this with my life.  I realize I need to learn these things as to graduate and get a successful score on my ACT and such but I have already moved on from those things.  I'm not like most teenagers where they never wanted to learn in the first and never applied themselves in the first place.  I want to do all those things, just for a much more necessary cause and something I am much more passionate about.  Whenever I get like this, which is a lot, I try to just plaster a smile on my face and make the absolute best of it.  I talk to my friends and try to talk to people about how they are and such.  I really like helping people and giving advice so whenever I am able to do that it takes my mind off of my own issues and I feel much better because I was able to help someone.  I like helping people.  I get stressed a lot, to be honest, but you can't let the little things get you.  You just have to breath and know God has a plan.