Journal #43: Extended Verion

     I sit down to take the test.  A few days ago I would have never imagined I would ever find myself in this position.  Ever.  I am normal.  I have an normal family.  I have a normal dog, and I have a normal pillow.  Sometimes our grocery lists are wrong, though. I've done this to myself, and I know that.  I love my brother.
     It started two days ago.  Walker wanted grapes.  He wanted green and I wanted purple.  He was at the store though, and I was not.  He could choose whatever he wanted.  He got green grapes.  I HATE GREEN GRAPES.  I couldn't imagine being anywhere near a refrigerator that contained such imbeciles of such a ghastly color.  
     I did have one solution though.  I had painted my room recently.  Purple.  I could make the grapes at least look purple.  They wouldn't be purple, but they could look purple.  They would be green, but only I would know they were green.  They could look purple.   
     When the ambulance was called was when I knew it had been wrong.  HE DESERVED IT THOUGH.  I love my brother.  BUT HE GOT GREEN ONES.  
     Now I sit here holding a yellow number two pencil with a white sheet of paper in front of me.  What is your name it asks?  I write my full name.  Letter by letter.  It asks about my family.  I tell them about my brother.  Who I love.  Even though he loves green grapes.  
     I finish the test with a smile on my face, for I know they will never take me.  I am too normal.  I have done this to myself, but it was only because I know that purple is better.  Walker surely knows this now too, and he will never buy green grapes again.  I HATE GREEN GRAPES.  I will go home and we will eat purple together. 
     I did this to myself, but Walker knows now.  He knows better.  
 

Journal #43

     I sit down to take the test.  A few days ago I would have never imagined I would ever find myself in this position.  Ever.  Yet now it doesn't seem so unexpected.  I've done this to myself, and I know that.  I love him.
     It started two days ago.  Walker wanted grapes.  He wanted green and I wanted purple.  The thing was he was at the store though, and I was not.  So he of course got green grapes.  I HATE GREEN GRAPES.  I couldn't imagine being anywhere near a refrigerator that contained such imbeciles of such a ghastly color.  
     I did have one solution though.  I had painted my room recently.  Purple.  I could make the grapes at least look purple.  They wouldn't be purple, but they could look purple.    
     When the ambulance was called was when I knew it had been wrong.  HE DESERVED IT THOUGH.  I love my brother.  BUT HE GOT GREEN ONES.  
     Now I sit here holding a yellow number two pencil with a white sheet of paper in front of me.  What is your name it asks?  I write my full name.  Letter by letter.  It asks about my family.  I tell them about my brother.  Who I love.  Even though he loves green grapes.  
     I finish the test with a smile on my face, for I know they will never take me.  I am too normal.  I have done this to myself, but it was only because I know that purple is better.  Walker surely knows this now too, and he will never buy green grapes again.  I HATE GREEN GRAPES.  I will go home and we will eat purple together. 
     I did this to myself, but Walker knows now.  He knows better.  

This is the perfect copy of this story, but in order to get full points, I shall post another, longer, version.  

Journal #42

There once was a boy named Poe.  Poe lived a great life with a great family.  He lived in a little cottage with his 2 sisters and one brother.  He also had a mother and father that loved their children deeply.  The family was known through out the land for their strong relationship.  They all lived in peace.  That was until one fateful day that Poe decided he was not content living in his little cottage with his perfect family.  He decided that this life was not perfect enough for him.  He wanted to achieve some sort of heroic perfection.  So Poe set out.  He began training himself as a hero.  He learned all sorts of trades, such as sailing, smithing, fencing, cooking, climbing, sewing, and many more.  Poe became what many would consider the perfect man, except for one thing.  Poe lacked the looks.  Poe was tall and muscular from the years of training himself, but his face just was not quite right.  He had a sort of lopsided face that made it appear as if he was always looking off to the side; his eyes tended to look as if one was higher than the other and took on a muddy brown color through the day.  Poe did have some pretty great teeth, straight and white!  That never seemed to matter when you began to inspect his thin blonde hair.  At the age of 24, Poe was already beginning to bald.  Poe had it all, it just didn't look like it.  Poe would not accept perfection until he was able to be perfect as well as look perfect, too.  A few days after he had decided he needed to achieve the perfect looks, Poe stumbled upon an old women in the woods while chopping down trees for firewood.  This women knew what Poe seeked and told him exactly what he had to do.  In order to gain the perfect looks to compliment his perfect ability, he had to help someone achieve their own dreams first.  Poe scoffed at the proposal originally, but after further contemplation realized that it was a pretty good deal.  Poe really did know a lot about many many different things, and knew that it wouldn't be hard to help someone attain the ability and needs to find success in their own dreams.  He set out to find someone.  Poe lived in a very poor land that was very unfortunate, so it didn't take long to stumble upon someone.  Her name was Annie.  All she wanted in life was to learn to ride an elephant, and of course Poe had learned to ride elephants years ago, along with giraffes.  After learning that Annie could never attain what she needed to learn to ride an elephant by herself, Poe approached her with is proposal.  At first she was hesitant, but after further inspection, she could see nothing wrong with Poe.  He seemed harmless.  The one thing holding her back was the question why?  Why would a stranger want to help her?  She decided she would find out later.  The next day they found a wild elephant and over the next few hours, Poe taught Annie all he knew.  By twilight that night, Annie was an absolute elephant pro.  By the next day, Poe was the most magnificent looking man in all the land.  Annie never saw Poe again and never learned of his motives.  Poe never saw Annie again nor cared to.  He married a women just as shallow as himself, and they lived self-absorbed-ly ever after.     

Post-Modernism Writing Style

     The post-modernism literary period takes on a unique appearance from previous literary periods.  Compared to previous literary periods, post-modernism contains Fear, Technology, Assimilation, and multiple unique generations (Boswell) that influence the writing style of this period.  Post-modernism is also unique from previous periods in that it was not a complete turn around from the literary period that came before it.  Post-modernism is indeed a different period from modernism, but the two still have commonalities.  (Boswell).  Post-Modernism contained many unique and new characteristics as compared to the literary periods that come before it. 

     During the post-modernism period, many new influences come into the picture.  The American history of this time period is rich with emotion and influence.  Fear becomes a big idea that is shown through the writing style of post-modernism.  There is fear of death, atomic bombings, zombie's, and fear of change.  America during this time takes on a very unique appearance.  People begin to move to the big cities, factories and big companies take the place of small companies, immigrants begin to flood in, and war never seems to stop (Cornell).  A lot of things were shifting around within the social norm at this time, and it scares a lot of people.  These events in American history shines through the writing style in post-modernism literature at this time.

     Assimilation begins to take place during this time.  A synonym of assimilation is 'conform' (Galloe).  Anyone who lived in America, is expected to live like they lived in America.  The rush of immigrants who settled in America at this time are also expected to forget their own culture and way of life and assimilate to that of America.  This takes place for a while, and only years later do we begin to see the cultural diversity of our population as a good thing.  This conformity sets post-modernism apart because of its lack of acceptance.  At this point in America, there is one way of doing things, end of story.  The Literature reflects this within it's writing style (Boswell).   

     Baby-Boomers begin to come into the Literary scene.  Baby-boomers get it done.  (Cornell).  Baby-boomers lack individualism and this is shown in the literature.  Much was expected of the Baby-boomer generation, and few strayed from that plan.  Following the Baby-boomers we see Generation X.  Generation X is pretty tired of conforming, going to college, and over all having to have a plan (Cornell).  The literature makes a dive off the deep end away from assimilation.  The writing style veers away from conformation, and people begin to accept uniqueness.  The path that post-modernism takes is set apart from other literary periods because of post-modernism uniqueness in itself.  We start of with people terrified of change and individualism, but end up with people who decide that they don't need a plan; they're going to go with the flow and see where it takes them.

     Post-modernism contained influences in it's writing such as fear, assimilation, and cultural diversity unlike many other periods (Boswell).  The writing style easily reflected the history in America at the time, which makes it easy to set it apart from previous periods.  We see that people begin to loath change, people are afraid of new things, individualism begins to be something expected.  All these things influence what becomes of the writing style and sets post-modernism apart from other literary periods as something new and unique.     

Works Cited

Boswell, Marshall. "Post-Modernism." Bloom's Literary Reference Online. Facts on File, 1999. Web. 17 Apr. 2013. <http://www.fofweb.com/Lit/default.asp>.

Cornell, Saul. "Early American History in a Postmodern Age." JSTOR. Omohundro Institute of Early American History and Cutlure, Apr. 1993. Web. 17 Apr. 2013. <http://www.jstor.org/discover/10.2307/2947078?uid=3739656>.

Galloe, Claire. "Assimilation and American Indian Literature." Bloom's Literary Reference Online. Facts on File, 2007. Web. 17 Apr. 2013. <http://www.fofweb.com/Lit/default.asp>.

Journal #41

 This blog is a writers choice. I am going to tell you why I love my brother Walker.  Walker and I have been twins since as long as I can remember.  That's a lie, we've been twins much longer than that.  To be frank, we've been twins for ever.  When we were kids, I was pretty okay with Walker.  We did everything together, my mom even matched us occasionally.  That was pretty fun.  Once I got into Middle School, I thought I was pretty cool.  I also thought that Walker was not pretty cool.  I put myself above him a lot.  That was stupid.  Through out middle school, our relationship wasn't too great.  We fought a looooot.  We also had to share a phone from sixth grade to freshman year, that did not help anything.  Eventually we did get separate phones around the end of freshman year.  That was much easier, I must say.  We became much  more mature through freshman and sophomore year, but still were just meanie heads to each other at times.  Despite the facts we were both strong Christians, it never felt like we grew stronger in that together.  Then last summer we finally got our act together and realized that we had this awesome opportunity  right in front of us.  We literally had been born with a best friend at our side and we didn't even try to use that!  During the summer we started hanging out in the same circle of friends, which made the gas thing a lot easier.  By the end of the summer our relationship had finally gotten to a happy place.  Now Walker is one of the few people that I pretty much tell everything, but not because he'll listen, but because he actually gives me mature answers.  He doesn't give the mundane teenager answer, but rather thinks about it and gives me the best Christ-like answer he can.  Junior year would be very little fun with out him.

Journal #41

This blog has directed us to describe a hero.  I think you can choose a few different ways to describe a "hero".  If you are talking about a typical movie hero, then you would find a lot of typical descriptions.  They would be very attractive to look at most likely, they would have a very athletic and abled body.  They would be able to take on any challenge, and when they came to the end of their rope and no one thought that they would be able to take on the challenge, their hot girlfriend/boyfriend would appear out of no where to assist them.  Another type of hero that you could choose to describe would be a Greek Mythology hero.  Hero's like Odysseus, Perseus, and of course Hercules.  These hero's were people that took on great tasks against great monsters that generally were much much much larger than them.  They were considered great and heroic because they weren't Gods.  They were mortal and still took on God-ly tasks.  These types of hero's also generally took on more of an attractive appearance, this was a trait that helped people to pick them out of a crowd.  During Greek times, men wore much less clothing and were considered "sexier" I suppose you could call it.  Greek Mythology needed hero's to hold it together.  All the stories that happened would not be able to stand unless there were mortals to make it stand.  That is a good way of describing a hero.  With out that person or thing, something would not be able to stand or go on.  They are some sort of adhesive and provide cohesion so something and someone can keep going on.  Another example of a hero are women.  Without us, men would not be able to stand.  They would not be able to get anything done, they'd never have any food, and they would make stupid decisions all over the place.  Of course, women need men, too.  I am slightly biased towards women.  No reason.

Alright guys. This is my attempt at explaining this last week. There's no way I could ever find the perfect words to explain this and help you to understand, but I can sure try! 

Alright we took the train there and once we got there, we had a bunch of walking to do with a bunch of luggage. Connor literally brought the biggest bag I have ever seen and boy did we have stairs to take. We probably had about 30 minutes of walking/subwaying in Chicago before we actually got to our dorms. Here's where it gets complicated. We all thought we were serving in a homeless shelter and living there the whole week through an organization called the Jesus People. That's partly true. The Jesus People are actually a community of a mixture of old school hippies and some other people that have come together to live in an old hotel together to minister the good news to people. There is about 400 people living in this hotel. There are families reaching up to 4 generations, single people, married couples, etc. it's so hard to explain...Jesus people have multiple shelters in Chicago that these people work in. They also have little coffee shops, skate shops, roofing companies, etc that people apart of the community can work in to support the community. It's absolutely crazy what a contrast these people's lives are to ours. And that's a very very watered down and probably very confusing explanation. Jesus people has dorms next to this hotel for people who want to come serve along side them that we stayed in. One we made it there, we met Micah. Micah was our contact through out the week. He showed us around and planned out everything we did and such. Okay moving right along. Three meals are served a day in the hotel for the people, and on Tuesday that was our first time meeting the people. Basically we got our food and were told go branch our and meet random people ranging from babies to elderly living completely different from you! That might have been the best part. Meeting these people. They all have AMAZING and unique story's as to how they came to live in the community. After our meal, we wet out on the town. IT. WAS. COLD. Gah. They don't call it the Windy City for nothing. We walked around a bit, encountered some not so happy poor people, and learned what NOT to do in Chicago. Man we are all such tourists.

So once we got back to the dorms every night we would generally play cards and eat junk food for a while and if you're a party pooper like me, went to bed at like 11 every night. I was exhausted every night. Soooo tired. Our first day we had to be in the lobby by 8 so we got up and had breakfast (with the community) and then met up with Micah to see what we were in for that day. Our first day we reveled down to cornerstone (their main homeless shelter and where all the shelters meals are served) every Wednesday they give out groceries to people who can afford a home, but don't have any money left for food. So they basically have every grocery you can think of put out for them, and anyone can come through and get some free groceries. Our job was to regulate. For instance one of the things I handed out broccoli heads. I was told to only give them one, and countless people would beg me for more. Just one more. Some wouldn't even pay attention, simply hungrily grab what they knew they needed. It was really interesting to see thevariety of people. Some were soooo thankful an said god-bless god-bless to the whole food line. Others wouldn't say a word, keep their head down and take what was given to them. Others would verbally fight until they got what they wanted, some would just smile and try to tease you into maybe just one more apple an so on. There's also a wide range of culture up here. There is a lot of Asian, Hungarian, some German, polish, etc. so accents were also a challenge. After this we met up with Lida. She's apart of the JesusPeople community, has been for over 30 years, and is the volunteer coordinator at cornerstone. She told us some more of the communities history, as well as the shelters. After the grocery line, me and a few others went and helped out this guy named David. He's been with Jesus People since last July. He's in his twenties and a pretty cool dude. He asked us a lot o questions that I wasn't expecting and really helped me to see and think about stuff I wouldn't have other wise. We went on a mission to find a crib for a family staying at cornerstone in their giant pile of donations in the basement. MASSIVE I'm telln ya. We also got to hand deliver the crib to the family and see some of the shelter. Next part of this day is kind of funny. The rest of the group, while the three of us where finding a crib, where on clean up duty. They were directed to clean out a recently vacated room so it could be repainted and back in use. According to them it wasn't the most pleasant job. Well while this was going on, our crib finding expedition ended and we got the job of arranging flowers for the cafeteria. Later when we were exchanging stories of the day between groups, us three flower arrangers had quite the laugh while the other 8 weren't quite so pleased. Jokingly of course. Our group was actually really really awesome. A lot of us didn't know each other too great but it didn't even matter. Everyone was cordial at all times and willing to work with anyone. It was really awesome and frankly a blessing sent straight from Him. Okay. After the cleaning and arranging and such we traveled to yet another building run by Jesus People that has the Free Store on one of its floors. The Free Store is just what it founds like. A thrift store for the shelter community that is completely free. It is literally loaded with everything you can imagine. And the back of it is even more loaded with bags upon bags of donations of stuff that we had the job of sorting and hanging up. This place is goodwill on steroids. The free Store is open every Friday. Anyone can come in and get whatever the please and basically the rest of the week is spent recovering from that crazy Friday. After the free store our first work day was complete! We got back to the dorms around 5. we had dinner with the community and here is here we met some seriously cool people. We met the teenagers living in the Jesus People community. THEY WHERE AWESOME. We also learned these kids tend to play dodgeball with the youth groups that circulate through on mission trips. So of course we set a date for Thursday. After this we want back on the town, saw a THREE STORY TARGET. I about died. Came home and I collapsed and went to bed. Other hooligans stayed up till the wee hours. 

 Alrighty. Day three! Breakfast WAS SO GOOD. I have never had bacon of that standard in my life. Sorry dad <3. Today I got to paint and I really enjoy painting...and painting on others...I started painting around 10 and basically did that until about four minus a short lunch break. Me, India, Shelby, and Aubrey were on painting duty in the rooms they had cleaned up the day before while everyone else prepped and served meals in the shelter! Once we got back we ate at the hotel and met even more teenagers in the community! These guys also took us to the beach, too! This was around 6ishhh. Elizabeth, Dunkan, and Killian took me, India, Hunter, and Aubrey. Once we returned to the dorms, I pretty much got down on my knees and BEGGGGED Josh to let me run. He finally gave in and took me. India also tagged along and Josh, India, and I went and jogged around Chicago for about 30 minutes. It was sweeeeet and not something ill soon forget. One we got back it was dodgeball time. WAIT. This is out of order. We jogged, ate dinner with the other teenagers, beach, and then dodgeball! They have this sweet play ground area with a concrete court for just about anything, like dodgeball. Our initial game was JPUSA vs west side. They killed us. Murdered us. Annihilation. They play with these old school rubber balls and it was scarryyyyyyy. Karianna said at one point "it's like they're bred for dodgeball!"  After we split up and mixed up and probably played dodgeball for about an hour and a half. If not more. It was a freaking blast. After we played basketball a little bit and like four of us played volleyball with a doge ball. It was awesome to get to interact with such unique people but at the same time people just like us. Oh how he loves us just came on. Best song ever. We got back around 11 and I was simply dead to the world. After jogging, tag at the beach, and 2 plus hours of recreational sports I was done for. 

Day four! Man oh man did I feel Thursdays sporting events. I was soooooo sore. Today we split into two groups and I ended up prepped and served lunch at the homeless shelter! Time to explain John Paul. JP is a volunteer at Cornerstone I saw there every single day. He was soooo charismatic and just crazy! I hate to think I might forget him. He was so welcoming and just helpful. We didn't have a clue what we were doing and he never once made us feel bad for it. He was sooo awesome. Here's the even cooler part. I found out that John Paul is actually homeless, too. He has just as much as any one on the people he serves every day, yet he finds a way to give them so much more than that. JP was definitely one of my favorite people. If you think of it pray pray pray for him. He recently landed a legitimate job in a restaurant and I pray God simply gives him wings to keep flying upward. Thursday was our "tourist" day so we got done at 1 and set out for the town. IT WAS COLD. I realized something about myself on this trip. I HATE BEING COLD. A LOT. Especially for extended amounts of time. I seriously would straight up shut down and not say a word, trying to conserve heat. I am such a baby, I'll admit it. But man that was unpleasant... We took the L-train to the upper side of Chicago and went to a huge Nike store, apple, a Lego store, etc. then we had DEEP DISH PIZZA. Gah. I have no words for it. It's just something you have to experience yourself. After eating we set back for home. SOOOO COLD. I WANTED TO CRY. LIKE SERIOUSLY IT HURT. After like 30 more minutes of walking we finally made it, I didn't take off shoes or anything, grabbed my sleeping back and curled into fetal position on a couch for about 20 minutes while I thawed. I took a hot shower and collapsed on my bed once again. The Holy Spirit works in mysterious ways. Generally I'm the loud one. In all honesty I like to be the center, making awesome weird memories and making people laugh. Because I was so cold, I became the quiet one, kind of. I didn't really have any one person I stuck with the whole time either, which is unusual for me. It feels like God wanted to show me a different perspective this time around. I'm not entirely sure why yet. But that was one of the big parts of the trip for me. 

Day five! We're closing in now! I served in the kitchen again, but it was a weekend day so it was a different staff in the kitchen. That was cool to get to meet even more people at the shelter! Through this whole week, we generally ate lunch in the shelter with the residence at Cornerstone. This was something i still need to think about. They told us to branch out and talk to them but it was haaaaard! At the hotel with Jesus People, anyone you talk to they share a similar faith and are welcoming. People at the shelter are much harder to read. A few would love to talk, some are honestly ashamed and just want to be left a lone. Some had mental illnesses and it was  scary to approach them. Everyday it was a brand new experience for all of us, getting out of our comfort zone, trying to do the will of The Lord. Oh! We also had a devotional with Rich that morning before serving! Alright. Rich is this sweet guy we met one of the first few day. I actually met Richs mom first. So their two stories were pretty cool. Rich is this tall lanky guy with long hippy hair, tatoos everywhere, Gages, piercing, the whole package. But once Rich starts talking about his faith in The Lord you really can't help but shut up and listen. Most people in the Jesus People community are like that. On the outside, anyone would judge them and put them in the hippie/rebel/alt category. Which they kind of are, but their faith is absolutely inspirational. Rich was a really really awesome person to listen to and talk to. His devotional was one of my favorite times. Later in the afternoon we also got to talk to this guy named Dave. He's unique because he doesn't actually have a job in the community, but rather works as a movie critique in Chicago and is actually a pretty big deal. India about died. It was really fun watching her talk about her passion, movies, to someone living that passion out. Around 4 we set out for comedy sports. This is an improve comedy show put on by acting communities that Josh's brother happens to be a part of, Tim. Also know as SPACEMAN TIM. It was about a 90 minute show, hiiiilarious. After we went and got frozen yogurt with SPACEMAN TIM and of course his spaceman wife.  I GOT A PICTURE WITH SPACEMAN TIM. Who is spaceman TIM you may ask? Why he is a character from this years past CIY. So of course anything associated with CIY causes me the up most joy. UP MOST  Him and Josh also look exactly alike. Rode home, froze to death, and finally made it back. We noticed some of our new found JPUSA buddies by the courts and me, India, hunter, and Connor went over and had a dance party until about 11. Man I already miss them. I can't even imagine leaving all these amazing an impacting people despite the fact I already am. Once we got back it was time to stuff all of our clothes back in our bags and clean up, this was our last night. Somehow, no matter what, everything you stuffed in your suite case on your way to any trip never seems to fit back in the exact same bag on the way back. NEVER. 

We have finally reached today. We didn't serve at all this morning but instead went to church! They actually have their own church service at Jesus People. Their church service is similar to West Sides, but much different songs (much more soul and bluesy) and they do this cool thing at the beginning called prayer time. You're suppose to get in a circle with whoever and simply pray. They have a list on their bulletin of things happening in the community but you pray what's in your heart in a community. It was yet another really cool experience. I walked up to a random group of people and at first they were a little taken aback but still they welcomed me no less me and prayed for me and I prayed for them. This is yet another example of the huge hearts Jesus People have. The whole week, no matter what I felt welcomed by them. Jesus just always knows. Afterward was lunch. Every Sunday they have rice and beans for lunch. We met up with some of or new found friends and after lunch they actually came over to our dorms and helped us clean! Well some did...others offered "moral support." Here is where I began to have a bit of a panic attack about FCA. I knew in my heart it's in Gods hands and there were plenty of people there I trusted but FCA is my baby if you will. I have worked so hard and care so much it was frightening to not be there. But my resources tell me it went swimmingly. :) I think all of the people in our dorms, JPUSA or west siders, kinda thought I was a little bit of a freak because I was getting so anxious. But Gods got me. After cleaning we kind of went and explored and the JPUSA kids showed us their rooms and such. Once you're about 4 or 5 you move out of our parents room and get your own room you can do whatever, absolutely whatever, you want to it. Basically like we would have our own room only a few doors away from our parents. That was cool. Then we went back to the dodgeball courts and played some soccer. Boys against girls. You can imagine how we'll that went...India had fun! We had to be back at the dorms by 1. We brought all of friends and Josh talked to us for a while and we kind of had open discussion about the whole week! Afterwards we played high jack with everyone. Its a very fun card game, especially with such a large group. That was suuuuuuper fun. We had  to leave for the train by 2 though, so we packed up and were on our way. While serving in the kitchens, Faelyn had encountered a cake in the shape of a lamb donated to the shelters. The cook saw her excitement and have it to her, well we never got around to eating it so we handed it over to the JPUSA kids. They of course proceeded to have a full on a cake fight right outside in the alley. Me and India got nailed in the face and couldn't do anything about it for about anther hour until we got to unction station. That was quite the send off I must say! Right now thinking about it, I can't imagine ever going back to Chicago again with any other purpose but to serve with Jesus People. I've seen so much an experienced so much in the poor side of Chicago, going there to do anything but serve others isn't something I can even contemplate right now. Alrighty. I'm almost home! About an hour! I've done my best to give you the best explanation I can, but in person is so much better.  Best Spring I've ever broken. 

#38

My Job Shadowing was AWESOME.  I shadowed the Youth Leader at my church, West Side Christian Church, who is AWESOME.  What I really want to do with my life:  I want to work for Christ in Youth, CIY.  This is an organization that puts on multiple Church camps that are geared for middle-high school students.  CIY Move is one of their summer camps that is a week long and is THE BEST WEEK OF MY LIFE every single summer.  It is where kids get on fire for God, where teenagers get that week of clarity that can, if they choose, ultimately change their life for the better.  I want to give kids that clarity, set them on fire for God, and keep them that way.  The CIY head quarters are located in Joplin, Missouri.  That is also where Ozark Bible College is, which is were I plan to attend.  Sadly, I was not able to make the trip 7 hours south just for a job shadow, no matter how badly I wanted to.  A youth leader is huuuuge part of CIY, though.  So it was pretty close!  Through out my day, I got to see an inside look at how a church works, and more specifically, my church.  I met pretty much all the staff and got to see how intricate and meticulous a church service can really be.  I also got to see how Fusion, the Youth group at my church, works too.  It is craaaaaaazy how intricate it is! I never imagined that much thought could possibly goes into what I see every Wednesday on the stage.  I also got to discuss with my Youth Leader, Josh, about upcoming events and past events to give my input.  I also got to go home with him and eat lunch with his family, which include a four year old and a one year old.  They may or may not be my favorite kids in the whole world.  SO CUTE.  I also know where he lives now, too...I think being a Youth Leader would be an awesome job, and an awesome job for me too.  But I want to be more than that.  I want to be there when kids really see that God is the only way.  That this is what living a like for Christ is like.  I want to help plan the events that kids get to experience and never ever forget.  I want to help be the force that shows kids what a life of Christ is and I want to be part of the force that keeps kids living a life for Christ.  So in summary, my day was awesome, I loved it.  I do not want to be a youth leader, but I went into the day knowing that.  

Journal #37

What do I see while listening to Blue Monk?  Initially I visualize a bald monk in blue robes playing the saxophone.  The saxophone is shiny and the monk is getting into it.  He is wearing ray bans that are black and you cannot see his eyes.  I'm sure they would be absolutely crazed if we could, though.  I also see one of the Blue Monks friends playing the drums.  Although he is the Green Monk.  He is wearing green monk robes but has a full head of hair because he is a rebel.  He has light sabers for drumsticks and is playing an all white drum set.  They are friends, but not too good of friends.  They like to hang out with all of the other monks together, but usually they don't hang out just the two of them, UNLESS they are playing music together like right now.  Otherwise it would just be weird.  They are now in a park.  It's a day much like today.  About 60 degrees with lots of sunshine and perfect weather for a hoody and shorts.  Although they are in robes, so it's a tad hot, but they don't care because it's just them and the music right now.  Both musicians have shed their sunglasses now and we can finally see their eyes, which is the window to the soul.  We can see that both want to break free from the monk life.  They are not meant to be monks, but jazz musicians.  They are yearning on the inside to break their vows and take up what they truly love.  They made vows, though, and breaking them would be simply unbearable no matter how much they want to. Right now, they aren't thinking about that, though; At least not consciously, maybe subconsciously.  They're just playing the music.  They are one with the music. Now enters a bass!  This monk is very plump.  He does not wear sunglasses, but rather uses his eyes as a tool, using them to convey his feelings while he plays, too.  All three monks are playing as one, now.  I can see them in the park, the drummer sitting down, the saxophone standing and rocking out, the bass just chiliin and being all cool, and a pianist sitting to the side embracing the moment.

Journal #36

Why is important to be yourself?  There are many many reasons for this. I recently saw a funny picture somewhere of a little girl in a pink tutu, rocker boots, and she was standing in a stance that radiated attitude.  Next to her it said "What is more BA than being yourself?"  I don't agree with the language, but I do agree with the sentiment.  If no one was themselves and we all wanted to be and do the exact same thing, what fun would that be?  For example, I have a friend from a different school and she struggles with maintaining her own opinion.  She is one of better friends.  She wants people to like her so bad that she will always, with out a doubt agree with whatever anyone else says.  If even for one instance she says something that someone doesn't agree with, she will immediately change her opinion as to be just like everyone else and so everyone likes her.  If everyone had the same opinions like this, what would society be?  The exact same thing everyday, for eternity.  That's what.  This reminds me of the book 1984.  In this book everyone is forced to do just as the government wants no questions asked.  You must think like this, talk like this, etc.  I think they even had a way of reading your mind too.  Imagine if our society was like this book and no one was themselves.  No one broke out of the box and tried to just be themselves...that would not be fun.  It is very important to be yourself because no one is just like you.  No one is an exact clone of you, so why let that go to waste?  Why be like someone else when you can just be you?  
“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”
― Dr. Seuss

"Dr. Seuss." Goodreads. Goodreads, 2005. Web. 05 Mar. 2013.

Orwell, George. 1984: A Novel. New York, NY: Published by Signet Classic, 1977. Print.

Journal #35

This blog is to be about how I have evolved over the school year as a scholarly writer.  The two blogs that we are comparing is our blog on Propaganda and Faulty Logic from back in September and our most recent blog about Whitman's use of Self in his poetry.  I have skimmed over both and honestly I have noticed little change...What is still consistent:  I still, no matter what I am doing or what class, write sooooooo much.  No matter what I am doing I always end up turning in waaaaay more than what is expected.  This can be a good and bad thing.  In both blogs, I am a humorous writer.  "Another type is called glittering generalities.  Yes.  It is actually called 'glittering generalities'.  Sad, I know."  This is from my older blog.  "What is Self, Capitol "S?"  The dictionary describes self as "a person or thing referred to with respect to complete individuality: one's own self" (Dictionary).  What does complete individuality have anything to do with some poet of the street who may or may not have been pretty scandalous for his time?  Absolutely everything!"  This is from my more recent blog about Whitman.  Honestly, I think I might have begun to use even more humor through out my criticism's as times gone on.  One big difference I do notice between the two that can be counted as an improvement:  what person I am talking in.  I finally stopped using first person in my posts.  Well at least I'm trying...It's quite hard I've realized.  My citations and back up has also improved dramatically.  In past years I've been able to get by with maybe throwing in a URL and ignoring parenthetical citations, but this year it's a must.  I've evolved into being able to use the criticisms much better and incorporate them in a scholarly and, to be frank, useful way.  I don't just use them because it's a requirement.  The actual core of my writing is still very much the same, but I have gained my useful techniques and characteristics, as well.

Journal #34 take two

So I already did this blog, or so I thought.  Turns out there is a difference between yourself, and your Self.  Did not catch that one.  Whitman describes self as three different things.  Soul, peoples perception of you, and your perception of you. My soul: I like to think I have a pretty cool soul.  Personally I like to think of it as some spirit-y thing, nestled inside of my heart somewhere, wearing a fedora and ray-bans playing the saxophone with some serious soul.  My soul would definitely be cranking out some Jesus tunes. My perception of myself:  pretty much my original blog.  My faith is the most important thing in my life.  I am completely centered around my life as a christian, or at least I do all I can to be.  I am honest, I love learning new things, I love helping people, I love deep conversations, etc.  Overall I am a pretty likable person who loves Jesus a bunch and can't wait to get out in the world and begin spreading his love.  Others perceptions of me: From what people have told me, they see me as the weird christian girl who is really really energetic and gives super good advice and is always willing to give advice.  The other day I was talking about church to someone in the hall way and Emily Taylor was in front of us and turned around and said "I knew it was you!"  That is so awesome.  I love that.  That's the positive perception people have of me.  Most people these days don't really like to be up front therefore if someone has a negative perception of me, I'm not aware of it.  I absolutely love being given constructive criticism, but once again people are always scared that you'll get mad or stop being friends with them or whatever.  I find this stupid because if you are legitimate friends you should always be able to come to each other with problems and be able to work through them.  All three of these categories equal my 'self'.   

Journal #34

Describe myself.  I love Jesus a whole lot. Church is my life.  I am the youngest of four kids.  I have three older brothers and I would never change that.  Most other girls irk me deeply, too much drama.  They always seem to have a vary narrowed, self centered, and materialistic view on things.  I can get along with girls, but I don't think I would do well with living with one. I also have a twin who is my best friend in the entire world. I know I can tell him everything and he can always offer up a mature and respectful view on anything, which I love and need in my life.  We don't look anything alike, and I'm not the only one who thinks so.  I am 5'8 with green/ hazel eyes.  My hair is a very weird color.  Sometimes it looks blonde, sometimes it's brunette, other times it can be strawberry-ish.  It's whatever your preference is I suppose.  My friends like to debate on it's color.  I have a lot of friends.  I love all my friends all for different reasons.  I strive to love everyone around me, despite the fact it's very hard sometimes.  I'm a very honest person.  If I see something I don't like or see something I can fix, or prohibit something, I will take action and I will be blatantly honest with you.  Some of my newer friends this year have found that out and it took a while for them to adjust, but honest is always the policy.  You can never go wrong with being honest with a person, the only rule is respect.  You can ALWAYS be respectful to someone. If you disagree with something or someone, you can always put it out there and come to them with it respectfully.  If they don't react with the same cutesy, then okay.  You did what you could do.  I like wearing comfy clothes more than dressing up usually, but I love dressing up, too.  My friends always tease me because through the week at school I usually look pretty average and don't try too hard but every Sunday I go all out.  People who come to my church for the first time and only ever see me through the week sometimes don't recognize me...I love Jesus, I'm tall, my brothers are my best friends, I'm honest, I love english and writing, I want to serve Jesus and I want to serve him now.  I'm very tired of petty high school.  I love etymology, noodles are my favorite. I love having deep heart to hearts. I'm a beast at giving advice, or so I'm told.  My friend Jake got his braces off today.  I have nothing else to do right now so I'm going to keep typing.  YAY LONG BLOG. I have very straight hair and girls are always jealous of that. I'm very good at doing hair.  I'm very good at taking control and being a leader, I recently started FCA in my school with that.  I'm super bad at letting someone else take the reins, though.  I see how I want things to happen and I try to always do everything possible to make that happen. I always have my camelbak with me, water is very important to me.  I love volleyball and running.  I love reading, especially cheesy romances.  My dream is to work for Christ in Youth, a youth organization that puts on retreats through out the year for kids junior-high school.  I want to change kids and help them get on their walk with God and more importantly stay there.  I guess I'll study spanish, now. Stay awesome, my friends.  

Journal #33

This journal is quite ironic because I am becoming increasingly more and more stressed as today goes on.  It started in Advanced Algebra II when we began to do something that I did not understand whatsoever.  I hate not understanding things.  If it's my friends, my parents, my car, school, the bible, etc.  It's like a psychological need of mine to understand things.  Therefore when I don't I throw mini tantrums and cry.  Extremely mature, I know.  So once I got through Algebra and had NO IDEA what I was doing or more importantly what I was suppose to be doing afterwards for homework.  This frustrates me deeply.  This also intensifys my desire to get out of high school and start serving other people and showing people Jesus.  Generally I sit in class all day long and just think to myself I could be doing so much more than this with my life.  I realize I need to learn these things as to graduate and get a successful score on my ACT and such but I have already moved on from those things.  I'm not like most teenagers where they never wanted to learn in the first and never applied themselves in the first place.  I want to do all those things, just for a much more necessary cause and something I am much more passionate about.  Whenever I get like this, which is a lot, I try to just plaster a smile on my face and make the absolute best of it.  I talk to my friends and try to talk to people about how they are and such.  I really like helping people and giving advice so whenever I am able to do that it takes my mind off of my own issues and I feel much better because I was able to help someone.  I like helping people.  I get stressed a lot, to be honest, but you can't let the little things get you.  You just have to breath and know God has a plan.

Journal #32

As a seventeen year old I do not think that I have revolutionized the way people think.  If I have, no one has ever told me.  Fellowship of Christian Athletes started this Sunday and I gave the message.  It was the very first one, and I was really really hoping to revolutionize the way people saw things through this one message.   I was hoping to get things off to a really good start right at the beginning.  Everything went smoothly and frankly just as I wanted it to, but unless someone blatantly tells me that it was really awesome and hit them hard.  People told me that I did really good and they thought that it was an awesome message but they did not really tell me why or how so I'm not letting myself put much stock into it.  My way of looking at things is revolutionized on a daily basis.  This generally happens in church.  My youth leader is one of my favorite people ever, he has an intern too who is also absolutely awesome.  Both of them are very blessed with the ability to say things so that high schoolers can interpret and apply them.  Last week in bible study Josh gave us an article to read.  There was a lot of awesome stuff in the article, but one of the biggest thing was an analogy.  It said to imagine that you have a boat out on water.  You need to imagine that Christianity is your sail and God is your wind.  This was a supper great way of thinking of things because there so many different ways to interpret it into your own life.  I love critical thinking challenges.  I love contemplating things that have many different ways that you can apply them.  This completely revolutionized the way I can now view Christianity and my faith.  

MERP

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Journal #31

Gossip is annoying.  It irks me.  It irks me mostly because I find it hard not to participate in it.  High school girls really like to gossip a lot.  If for one day you simply pay attention to what the conversation of high schooler's generally veer toward you will not be surprised it usually is centered around someone or something someone did so on and so forth.  After you start to realize this, it become quite irritating quite quickly.  You find that you don't really want to talk to anyone because all they're ganna talk about it is someone else and how they are so much better than them because they did this or that blah blah blah blah blahhhhh.  The worst part is a lot of the time you realize you are the one doing that talking.  You see something happen or hear about it or it happens to you and all you wanna do is tell people about it and make them laugh or empathize.  You have this great story and you really want to tell people so you can have the attention.  That pretty much all there is to it.  There are some people who it is more about the story than the reaction they'll get, but a good majority of the time, people gossip simply so they can feel elevated over someone and get a good reaction out of the people they tell it to.  This is highly irritating to me.  I try my hardest to stop myself and others when I feel the conversation becoming hurtful.  I remember I was at steak and shake in Lincoln visiting one of my friends who goes there.  A group of girls walked in and the group I was with started bashing on them haaard core.  It was unnecessary and frankly irritating.  It was around Christmas time so there were a few trees up for decoration.  As to draw their attention away from the girls I simply blurted out "HAI.  LOOK AT THE GREEN THINGS." It worked like a charm. 

Journal #30

Civil Rights was a ginormous movement that happened majorly while Martin Luther Kind Junior was alive.  A prominent figure during the Civil Rights movement was Rosa Parks.  She was an African-American women.  It was expected that white people got the front seats in a city bus whenever they wanted and black people had to get up and move to the back for them.  This was just something that was a social norm sadly.  Well Rosa Parks didn't like this.  She eventually got tired of it and when asked to give up her seat during one particular occurrence to a white man, she refused.  She blatantly refused because SHE'S AWESOME. And a half.  She was arrested and I think put in jail.  I am not sure what happened after that, government wise and such.  The Civil Rights movement began to boom like crazy, though.  She established an extremely radical precedent that day for black people.  Simply by refusing to give up her seat to someone equal to her helped black americans all over the world realize that they were no less than any white person and deserved whatever seat they wanted.  Rosa Parks birthday is today.  Today is February 4, 2013.  If Rosa Parks were still alive, she would have turned 100 years old.  That is just crazy.  That means she was born in 1913.  One-hundred years ago.  ONE-HUNDRED.  There is also another very important event happening going on today.  It is also my mommys birthday! The one who created and birthed me!  She was born today!  She is turning forty-nine today!  I think...yeah I don't think she's fifty years old yet.  That will be a very weird day when she does turn fifty.  She doesn't seem old to me, but fifty is pretty old I suppose.  My mother has always had the plan to make Rosa Parks birthday a national holiday so that she wouldn't have to work ever.  She's a teacher.  That would be very fun because I could spend the day with my mommy and I think Rosa Parks deserves it.  

Journal #29

When was a time that nature was in control?  I need to think about this...oh!  I know!  Right now!  It is awfully rainy outside right now.  I don't think it is actually raining, but it is very cloudy and very close to raining.  It's been close to raining all day and depending on if it does, that will dictate whether I have practice or not for track today.  I really really want to have track practice, though, because it is so beautiful outside and I wouldn't have to wear sweats and ear muffs and such.  I do not like wearing sweats when I run, or being cold.  Yesterday we ran five miles and it was so beautiful and wonderful I never wanted to stop running again.  Today it is going to be even greater of weather and I shall never want to stop running.  We are doing six eight-hundreds today, I believe.  They are to be timed so it is going to not be fun, but the weather is so great I will not even care.  This journal is becoming quite difficult for me to write.  I am running out of things to say.  I love track.  I want to run, but mother nature might dictate whether or not I am able to run today because it might rain on my parade.  I need about eighty more words before I can post this and call it done.  I love rain so much.  I love it more than I love noodles.  That might not be true.  It is my favorite weather though, it makes me very happy.  If the rain was to prohibit me from running today I would be sad.  I need more words.  Please let words come to me.  I need a banana.  I love noodles, but not more than rain.  Almost there! I'm so close.  Rain, mother nature, might stop me from running today and that would make me very very sad indeed!

Journal #28

Where do I feel out of my element?  In all honesty, I pretty much always feel out of my element whenever I am not at church.  I loveeeeee church.  I cannot get enough of being involved in my high school youth group at West Side Christian Church, and within the adult ministry, too.  If I could some how graduate right now and begin working in a church and learning about God and the bible that would be sooooo great.  Sooooo great.  Back to the actual topic: whenever I am at school, the majority of my peers are not Christians.  At least they have not completely turned their life over and do everything for God.  It's high school, obviously kids are not going to do everything like me, but it's still very weird for me.  I'll just be sitting in class and hear snippets of conversation and feel quite awkward when I hear what people talk about and what they plan on doing with their time.  It is a lot of the time quite different from me.  People also know that I am very religious and like to put me in awkward situations just for fun.  In middle school, some of my sports teammates would always try to get me to say cuss words.  I never did, but for whatever reason, they thought it was quite hilarious to make me say things I did not want to say.  I was very very out of my element.  During the summer I generally spend all of my time with my church friends and people who love Jesus as much as me and whenever I come back to school it is always very hard to re-acclimate myself to the people and their unchristian ways.  I am always very out of my element whenever I come back to school.  I am pretty good at acclimating myself, however it's still not my favorite.  School makes me feel very out of my element because of the students.

Journal #27 (the actual one)

I do not even want to fathom being in the army.  My second brother Taylor enlisted right out of high school into the army reserves.  He went through basic training and eventually only had to go in once a month.  Then, when I was in eighth grade, Taylor was told he was going to be deployed to Iraq for a year.  Obviously this is not a preferable thing to happen in any family or person.  I was not even very close to Taylor at this time, but it still hit hard.  He was going to leave from Washington DC around Thanksgiving.  Myself, my twin, my mom and Taylor's girlfriend all flew out to Washington DC to spend time with him before he left.  We went sigh seeing and ate Thanksgiving at starbucks.  It was great.  Then came the time for us leave him for the last time.  It sucked.  He was my brother and he was leaving to go fight a whole bunch of people with guns.  Even though it did suck, I couldn't help but feel prideful about it, too.  He had committed himself to fighting for our country across an ocean.  He was only nineteen at the time and he was willing to be hundreds of miles away from home fighting for our safety.  I was one proud sister.  So I do not know how it feels to personally be hundreds of miles away fighting for your country, but I do know how it feels to be under the impression that one of your family members is going to do that.  My family was fortunate enough that Taylor had a lot of health problems during that time and was not allowed to be deployed.  It sucked because he had really gotten himself in the mindset and was ready, but at the same time when he came home and surprised my mom well that was pretty much the best thing in the entire world. 

Journal #26, though I think it should be 27..

There are many times when things have not turned out as I thought they would, but that does not always mean they turned out bad. Of course sometimes they did, but there are some some situations where it turned out way better than I thought it would!  A specific example of this would be track.  I began running track in sixth grade.  In middle school, I was a very good high jumper and ran sprints.  I didn't care much for the actual track part.  I focused on high jump and was very successful.  Then, towards the end of seventh grade I some how got roped into running the 1600 meter race.  That's a mile for anyone who does not know.  I could not remember ever running more than an 800 in warm ups.  So pretty much I was not looking forward to it.  The unexpected part:  I was good at it, and I liked it! I ended up beating one of the top two distance runner's mile time by over a minute.  Since then I have embraced distance running and continue to do it today. Since then, my high jump abilities have dropped dramatically.  In middle school I made it to state twice and even placed fourth one year.  I easily won almost every meet in the high jump event and I loved it.  I missed freshman year track because I had to have surgery on my feet, and then my sophomore year I just was not what I used to be.  I am unsure what happened but I have come to terms with it!  Not I focus on distance.  I'm no star, that's for sure.  I really love it and the thing about running is you can do it anytime and anywhere!  I really love being able to just go run a few miles and just think about life.  I don't listen to music any more when I run because I like just thinking instead.  Track and Field definitely didn't turn out how I though it would in high school, but it still turned out pretty well!